So- when I was in undergrad I joined this household at Franciscan whose motto was "Whatever God Wants" Our whole devotion was complete surrender to the will of God through the example of the "fiats" of the Holy Family. Awesome right? Yea, I think so too.
Well- my whole life I have been a 5 year plan kind of girl. Like having a plan and a backup plan gives me peace and a sense of control. Obvi. Well, long story short- I am not in control. God is. I wish I could tell you that the prayer of my heart is always this profound joy that God is in control and that giving him the desires of my heart were simple and super easy. But, honestly, the prayer of my heart (especially in the past few years) has been more of a "God-what the ***** are you doing?!"
Yep. There you have it. The honest raw prayer of a little-wants total control heart.
See, life with Christ is a wonderful adventure- honestly and truly. But my heart is like a combo of a little child and a peaceful loving hobbit. A little two year old child that just wants what she wants and if the responsible loving parent disagrees that touching the cool orange hot stove is not a good idea or that eating an entire box of cookies for dinner is not either, well- then tantrum time it must be. A hobbit in the sense that I don't want any adventures. I like to stay in my comfort zone with a nice warm fire with all my favorite foods stored in the pantry- thank you very much. No parties of dwarves and fights with dragons and whatnot to ruin my peace and security. See life is predictable in the Shire. I like predictable.
Then here comes God like Gandalf in the Hobbit- looking for Bilbo to share in the grand adventure that will help Bilbo discover who he is and what he is capable of.
Much like Gandalf kinda tricks Bilbo into the adventure of a lifetime- God has been duping me my whole life. When I made the decision years ago to let God do whatever he wants in my life- I had no idea that he would take me seriously. I thought it was just a pious gesture. Then God started doing amazing things that were beyond my wildest imagination. I began to experience a peace and a joy that no amount of warm fires and fully stocked pantries could bring. I began to feel the thrill of adventure. Of conquering dragons of fear and climbing the mountains of solitude and unforeseen friendships.
For those of you who do not personally know me- these past few years have been a whirlwind- from missionary life to grad school to being a RD it was crazy. Then this past year just when I thought life was becoming predictable again, the Lord told me to move to Texas. I wish I could tell you that I immediately obeyed- but I told the Lord no.
As I sit here (having now been in Texas a whole month now) I am laughing at my utter stupidity. See, when the Lord put Texas on my heart and told good friends to tell me to pray about moving here. I got scared. See I knew (still really do not know) nothing about Texas. But I knew that when God put Texas on my heart that He had big plans for me. And I was afraid. So I hid myself (sound familiar? Check the book of Genesis where Adam and Eve feared God and so they hid--> didn't work out well).
Texas began to grow on my heart- but I still fought God about it. I mean, it was not close to my family, I knew nothing of the culture, and well I had never even visited Texas, so how possibly could I MOVE THERE?! But I told God that if it was his will- to make it abundantly clear. That was a dangerous prayer. He took me up on that offer. All of the sudden doors to jobs in places I thought I wanted to go- closed. Jobs that were offered suddenly became unavailable. I was mad and confused because I thought I knew what was best for me. Then God brought me to the right parish in Texas (that honestly I cannot remember applying for-even though I know I did). When I visited the parish I found the most profound peace and joy that I had not found anywhere else. So I said yes Lord, whatever you want.
This past month of living in Texas has been crazy. Hurricane Harvey showed up mere weeks after I moved and many times I feel overwhelmed by the responsibilities and blessings the Lord has poured into my life. I can honestly say that my life looks nothing like I planned it to be. But, I can honestly truly tell you that I have never been so filled with joy and peace in saying yes to the adventure God has brought me along for.
God calls us out of our personal Shires so go out on dangerous business. To go on adventures to slay dragons and bring hope to those who have forgotten how to. The Life God wants for you might be nothing like the life you thought you dreamed of, and that is okay. What I have been learning is that God's plans for me are beyond my imaginable desires. He knows how to lead me to where I need to be in order to live the life I was destined to live. All he needs is permission. I pray that as you read this that you give the Lord permission to ruin your plans. Because what God has in store for you is adventure and happiness beyond your wildest imagination! It's okay to be scared. But do not hide from God. He is good, and he is trustworthy.
In the last words I ever received from my earthly father: "God has promised us happiness and he is always faithful to his word"
Say yes to God today. He has amazing things in store for you- do not let fear stop you from your adventure.
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