Today is the feast of Our Lady of Sorrows. I always struggle with this feast because I really dislike sorrow and suffering. I hate crying. Hate. It. I especially hate weeping- mostly because when you are truly weeping you cannot stop. Now, I know most girls love to have a good cry-but I am not one of them. I prefer laughter and dry wit. But over the past few years crying has been a constant in my prayer life.
As I was reflecting on Hope in suffering I thought about the difficult choice that it is to continue hoping even when faced with your greatest fear coming true. When the other shoe really does drop. We have all experienced this feeling in some capacity- be it in small ways such as disappointment-not getting your dream job/crush/home/car/grade. Or in big ways- Being diagnosed with cancer, grieving the loss of a loved one, being faced with tragedy or rejection. We have all experienced that awful moment where your stomach drops and your heart breaks or shatters.
On February 21 2012 I experienced the worst sorrow I have experienced so far in my life. My Dad, who meant so much to me died suddenly of a severe heart attack. I was in another country at the time doing missionary work. My world fell apart. I felt betrayed, alone, completely and utterly at a loss for words, thoughts...I will never forget that feeling. I had to remember to physically just breathe. The feeling when you start crying so hard and you do not think you could ever stop and you crumple into a ball and forget your surroundings. The past 6 years since that day have been filled with the hardest prayer times I have ever had. And you know what stinks? There is more suffering to come.
My life has become a journey of rediscovering joy- joy that is only found in hope. The truth is that we live in a valley of tears- and life here on earth is never going to be all sunshine and roses. You struggling with this? Yea, me too. I find that whenever I am in those prayer times where my heart is shattered and the only prayer I can muster is Jesus help me- amidst deep sobs- all I want to do is run away.
We remedy suffering and sorrow with distractions don't we? I know I do. Binge watching Parks and Rec on Netflix instead of facing my sorrow? You betcha. Hide in the corner during prayer planning out my next ministry event instead of gazing into the eyes of Jesus, whose love and compassion pierces my soul like a knife? Yep.
But Hope and Joy cannot be found even in the midst of the most awesome sitcom. I love watching hours of the Office and escaping from reality. But after those distractions have faded- I am left alone and sitting in my sorrow.
Jesus and his Mother did not run from suffering. They embraced it for the sake of Love. See, God works miracles through our deepest wounds. One of my favorite Scripture passages is when Jesus weeps at the tomb of Lazarus. Jesus wept. Let that sink in.
God works all things for our good. I never thought that my Dad's death would bring about good things. But over the past few years God has used my suffering to bring hope to others. I have been given the amazing opportunity countless times to enter into the suffering of others through my own wounds of loss and rejection. Joy has been born out of my suffering in ways that baffle me on the daily. We may live in the valley of tears- but we are on a journey home to Heaven where all our wounds that we have given to Christ will become jewels in our Heavenly crown. That is where our Hope is found. We look at the Cross and we know that we each must face our Good Friday. Good Friday however, is not the end of the story. Easter happened. Christ rose and conquered evil. Christ becomes intimate with us in our suffering-because in carrying out crosses and being crucified with him we enter into real relationship with him. Then he shall raise us up to the fulfillment of all Joy that can only be found in him. We are called to greatness and to glory-but the road to glory is a battle.
Choose Jesus. Yes, your heart will be shattered, you will face rejection, loss and pain. But you do not do so alone. Jesus is so very present in it. We HOPE for what we cannot see. The joy of Heaven. God will use your suffering to accomplish miracles-if only instead of hiding your wounds you walk alongside Christ as you carry your cross. He will give you your Simon of Cyrene to help you carry the cross if only you ask.
Trust in God friends. He wants to use you for epic purposes. I pray that you allow God to use you in your sufferings. Do not be afraid to step out into the deep. Jesus is calling.
AMDG
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