I'm back to the blogging world! Sorry for the long hiatus, but this thing called Grad School usurps much time and energy.
Here we go...its almost finals and it has been a whirlwind of a semester. Between school work, resume writing, work, co-heading up a mission trip, and trying to have some semblance of a social life amidst my crazy, my time has been well accounted for.
It is also the first week of Advent! This is the week dedicated to the virtue of Hope. Hope is a virtue that I have been trying to work on for the past couple years, but most especially this semester.
Hope has been a rough virtue for me for the past couple years. Life has had a lot of major transitions and not all of them have been the smoothest. From living abroad-grad school-to loss of my Dad- preparing to graduate, life has been a bit of a roller coaster. I have never been good with the new and different, especially if its something I did not plan for. Since coming back to Franciscan, the Lord has very much been showing me how much I lack in the Hope department.
The miracle of my relationship with God is that no matter how much of a sassy butt I am to him, he constantly shows me his very constant and real presence. In the past couple years I have found that the biggest obstacle to Hope is my ever present companion called Fear.
Fear takes on many faces in life. Fear of the future, fear of missing out, fear of the unknown, fear of my potential, fear of God's intimate love for me. You name the fear I have probably faced it in some form. This semester has been a combo platter of them. Graduation is quickly approaching, and for the first time in my life I do not have the clearest idea of where I am meant to go next. Fear of God calling me to something incredibly out of comfort zone/fear that he will call me to stay somewhere that I did not choose...so many things.
Jesus and I had a few "real talks" about this this semester. In his patience I began to see that my greatest fault was my lack of trust. See, since my last of year of NET and being back at Franciscan- my problem solving, planning, coordinating, natural leader side has been developing and I have felt that I can do the whole tough it alone thing God! I have it all together!
Yep, I figured that the feminine genius would get me through. While, God has blessed me with many talents, I have begun to realize ever again that I do not have the answers and that this lack of trust in God's plan will not work for me. I can't just figure out my life on my own and handle all the transitions based on my strong will and personality. Hope. I need it. Hope stems from trust though. God wishes to take me on this amazing adventure called life and he wants to me my main man.
Here's the thing, for all that I know about myself, all that I am learning about God. I do not know everything. I barely even know the depths of my own heart. As other girls (or probably even the guys reading this) probably can relate to, sometimes I just feel sad/melancholic out of the blue. So weird. It is in those moments when I realize that I do not have the faintest clue how to navigate this life all by myself. I'm simply a grad student seeking to find what my heart is made for. Still single, no clue where in the world I am heading to next. And you know what? That is ok. I am here at Franciscan for a reason. Wherever I go next, God knows and he is asking me to have hope that what ever lies ahead of me is good.
Transitions in life are crazy. The bad ones can be like a sucker punch and the exciting ones can be like holding your breath for a little bit too long. Bad past experiences in new things, can cause one to feel cynical about the future. For me the transition of losing my Dad and leaving the Beloved Emerald Isle was a real heart stopper. Those experiences caused me to forget that God has my ultimate good in store. Advent is all about waiting in Hope for Joy! The Joy that is Jesus. Even though, life might be tough that doesn't mean that fear has to win.
PUNCH FEAR IN THE FACE.
Friendship has been one of the greatest blessings in my life. From undergrad here at Franciscan, to both of my amazing NET years, to my amazing group of friends I have here in grad school, Friendship has taught me a lot about hope. See, I have crazy friends who are super awesome. They teach me so much about joy and love. Especially, when I am a super un loveable person. I can be super critical and incredibly weird. My friends love me still and when I am that one weird friend, they show me that I am indeed worthy of love even if I do make weird noises, brainless comments and like to hang out and study at crazy hours.
Friendship is what helps us move towards God. When fear tries to knock you down, turn to Jesus. But also, ask your friends to intercede for you! This is what I love most about my friends. They pray for me and with me. Whenever I need them to. If you don't have friends like that, find some. Run with your friends towards Jesus. It's what your friendships should all be about.
For all the times that I think I am B.A. I keep being reminded that I am not. I am teasable, I am imperfect. I will fail and fall. But I will also fly and conquer all for Love. Keep close to your friends and make sure you are taking in reality checks that you aren't perfect. Falling happens. It's getting back up that matters. Face your fears friends.
The greatest things in my life have happened because I fought my fears and sought to live my dreams. Anything is possible for one who has faith in God. Even though things may be foggy and the future is unclear. God is in control and HE LOVES YOU. He gives us hopes and dreams for a reason and never ever give up on hope. Good things are in your life, and more good and glorious gifts are simply around the corner. God is ever wanting to bestow blessings upon us. We just need to be obedient and trusting children. Because even when bad things happen, God knows what is for our ultimate good in the big picture and he will lead us to what/whom/where we are meant for.
So pray for hope this week and trust that God is leading you from glory to glory. Love him and know his intimate love for you.
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