Adulting, Chocolate and Trust in the Impending Quarter Life Crisis

I did it! I completed Grad School with flying colors and only needed about a month of sleep to recover. It was a crazy last few months. Tests, papers and resume building, all the while trying to maintain some semblance of a social life. (sorry love life, had to ditch you, pick you up later).

I learned alot in my last semester of school. One, anything is possible with dedication, good friends, and constant work. The last semester of of graduate school is a beast. Exit exams, papers and such....oh my. All of the sudden, Graduation happens and all of the all nighters, tears, and caffeine highs pay off in a single piece of paper that states that you have earned a Master's degree.

The next few weeks after graduation became a bit of a blur.  The piece of paper was like permission to have my brain check out. Especially with time off before starting my new job, I finally had the time to just chill and reflect. It was then I realized that I finally had completed school. There was no need to further on my education. PhD was never in my dreams, and job wise all I ever really wanted for credentials was an MA. This led to a crazy understanding that I would never HAVE to sit in a classroom and sweat out a GPA upgrade again. I was a true adult who was now hired for an adult job on a payroll! Whoa. Grab the Chocolate and celebrate.

Then I got the email from Great Lakes, the debt must be paid. And then it hit me, Adult life has really begun and school was the easiest part. Now, the expectations of an alost 25 year old, is to pay off debt, settle down and get suited up for the career. Everyone tries to give you advice about life after school. (Never-mind that I did have a couple gap years in between degrees, I clearly know nothing). Expectations abound and most of the time I still feel like a kid. I suddenly wanted to enroll for another MA degree and hit the red postpone button. Luckily for me, I don't have the money for that costly button. 

So, I decided that I am indeed a big girl now and embrace the new adventures of adulting. My expectations for this new stage of life have been exceeded by God's design for my life. I have a new job at the same school I graduated from and meandering Europe is not in the cards for the next little while. I have found that everyone has their opinion on one's life choices, and opinions aren't always the most consoling thing. Still single, living and working in my hometown invites alot of criticism. But, here's the thing, Following God's will doesnt always mean that it is going to make logical sense to all your life's critics. 

But the harshest critic to face is yourself. I had all these expectations for myself as I approached 25 years. I would either be gallivanting Europe as a missionary or settled down preparing to be married obviously. Well, those milestones and adventures were not what God led me to. Instead he asked me to take a job I never expected to be offered and have adventures in a town I know like the back of my hand. At first, I was like God, really? But to be honest with you this new adventure has given my heart more peace and joy than I ever thought possible. So the key thing? Trust. 

While someone from the outside can look upon my life and be unsure that my life is headed in the direction that I said I wanted to be headed in since I was about 10; I have realized that God knows the DEEPEST desires of my heart. While yes, being single has its rough moments, and Ohio is not necessarily as exciting as Europe. In God's will is my peace. As I explored my options for post grad, nothing gave me more peace than when I allowed God to take the lead in the open doors. I have learned more about my heart in this decision and the faithfulness of God. The thing about God's will is, He knows best. He sees our hearts and knows what will bring us true peace. We just have to trust that He knows us and will lead us to joy in all moments. We can have our plans for the perfect adventure, vocation or spouse but in the end we do not know what we actually need. 

Love requires suffering. Loving God requires us to die to ourselves and live in God's will. This does not mean that we shall forever live in a valley of darkness. God is our light and his will brings immense peace and joy to our hearts. Surrendering our desires allows God to place his plans and desires upon our hearts. But first we have to surrender our plans so that God can do the greatest thing in our hearts. Forming us into saints who bring His love everywhere we go. 

God's desires and designs for our lives are the best possible scenarios. He desires our true happiness. So, if you are struggling with giving him your heart, relax.  If you are like me and worried because your life hasn't had all the "milestones" you thought you should have reached by now, shut up your inner critic and Surrender in trust. Even if you are dateless on Saturday nights and are constantly seeing engagements and babies in your newsfeeds, focus on Christ and know that he knows your heart and promises you true joy. The God who loves you will provide and answer your heart's desires in his timing and in his way.  Rest in His Love for you.